Chaos Clue
by bluerain1984
Summary: Our favorite characters from Inu-yasha and Yugioh spoof the movieboardgame Clue. This is a repost, so please, people, read & reveiw! A colaboration with SirLarry
1. The Cast

Disclaimer: We don't own Clue, Inu-yasha, or Yu-Gi-Oh. After all the work we've done, you'd think we'd at least owned the anmies. Anyway, here's our newest 'Chaos Parody'

Chaos Clue

Part One: The Cast

Seto K. Body

Yami, The Butler

Col. Joey Mustard

Mrs. Sango White

Mrs. Kagome Peacock

Mr. Bakrua Green

Ms. Mai Scarlet

Prof. Miroku Plum

Tea, The Maid

Kaede, The Cook

Duke, The Motorist

Inspector Inu-yasha

Serenity, The Singing Telegram Girl

Tristan, The Religious Fanatic 


	2. The Arrival

Part Two: The Arrival New England, 1954

The car rounded the bend on the cold, dark night, and pulled into the long, winding driveway of the gloomy looking mansion. The car pulled to a stop, and from the driver's seat stepped a serious looking man, dressed in a bowler hat and suit. He walked briskly to the front door, and stepped into the house, the song 'Shake, Rattle, and Roll," blaring throughout the house. The man stepped into a library, where a young lady with short brown hair, and dressed in a low cut maid's outfit, was setting up glasses and cognac. The man removed his hat, and wild black, red, and blonde hair sprang out with a 'boing!' in a ansortment of spikes.  
"Is everything ready?" he asked the busty maid.

"Yes sir!" She said, cheerfully. The man existed the room, and walked down the hall to the kitchen, stopping to readjust a painting that hung sideways. The old cook chopped heavily at the meat with a cleaver.

Then, as the well dressed man walked up behind her, he asked, "How is dinner com-!" He stopped short when she turned around sharply, her cleaver poised to chop at his head.

"Dinner will be ready at 7:30," the cook said, looking ominous in her eye patch.

The man coughed nervously, then said, "Uh, Yes. Yes, thank you, Keade." Then, he turned tail and walked out of there as fast as possible. As he he was about to renter the library, the doorbell rang.

--------------------------------------------

The Colonel stood in the pouring rain. He looked at the address on the invitation again. Yeah, this was right place…

"Right now, I'd rather be home watchin' the tube," The soaking wet young officer said, closing his coat closer about his shoulders. Then, the door opened, and the man he assumed to be the butler stood at the door.

"I uh…" the officer started.

"You are indeed expected, Colonel," The butler said, "It is Col. Mustard, isn't it?" he asked as the Army officer stepped into the house, and handed over his coat.

"Naw," he said "My name's Joey. Just Joey."

"Very Well," the butler said, "But you may feel well obliged to my employer for the use of an alias." He closed the door and put the coat in a closet.

As the servant walked on in front of him, Joey asked, "And just who are you?"

"I am Yami," he said, "The butler." Lightning flashed outside, as if on cue. Joey looked around the room, expecting the axe drop. "You need not fear," Yami said, "Please, wait in the library for the other guests to arrive."

"Other guests?" Joey asked suspiciously.

"Of course, sir," Yami replied, this is a party after all." Joey shrugged and followed him to the library. Inside the library was the maid, to whom Yami said, "Tea, please give the Colonel whatever he requires, within reason, of course," Then, before Joey could utter a word, he shut the doors.

--------------------------------------------

The doorbell rang again, and Yami opened the door to see a young lady with long black hair, looking pale and tragic under her black veil and black dress of mourning.

"Mrs. White, I presume?" Yami asked.

"You may refer to me as Sango," she said coldly, stepping inside. She too followed Yami to the library, where the maid Tea was just handing Col. Mustard his drink. The door opened, nearly knocking the poor gentleman down. He stood an inch away from the door, balancing on one leg with the drink held up above his head.

"Mrs. White, may this Colonel Mustard," Yami said, as the Colonel regained his balance and footing.

"Call me, Joey," he said eagerly.

"And this is our maid, Tea," he said. Tea and Sango flinched to see each other. "Oh, I see you've already met." But just then, the came another ring at the door. Yami went at once to open it.

-------------------------------------------

Mai cussed and kicked at the tire of her broken car. The rain had stopped only a few minutes ago, and she wasn't about to ruin her red dress and makeup to fix the clunker. But to her amazement, and sheer luck, she heard a car coming up behind her. She looked around, unbuttoned the front of her dress and exposed her lingerie. The car passed, but then screeched to a halt. A second passed… two seconds. Then the car slowly back up next to Mai- who was buttoning her dress back up. The car stopped, and the driver, a young man in a dark purple suit, leaned over to the passenger window, and asked, "Need a lift?"

"Yes, please," Mai said. She opened the door and slid on in. After she closed the door, thunder clapped and the rain came pouring down. "That was close." she muttered.

"Where are going tonight, madam?" the young dark haired driver asked her.

"Hill House," she replied, "I'm running late for a party. And my name's Mai."

"Mine is Miroku, and it's funny that you should say that," Miroku said, "I'm going to that house as well."

"Did you get a funny looking letter?" Mai asked.

"Yes, I did," Miroku said, surprised. They both looked in the direction of the looming mansion on the hill ahead. They both gulped nervously, and Miroku drove forward.

----------------------------------------------

"May I introduce, Mrs. Kagome Peacock," Yami announced. The young lady wore a bright orange dress and a hat covered in feathers. "Would you like a drink madam?"

"Oh, yes," Kagome said brightly, "Thank you." As Tea came forward with the glass, Kagome looked at her disapprovingly and said, "Watch it, you could poke an eye out with those things."

"Excuse me for wanting to look nice," Tea said. The maid turned smartly and waltzed back over to Joey as the door bell rang.

Yami answered the door and found a mousy young man, with white hair, dressed in green, standing in the rain.

"Is this the Mr. Body's residence?" the timid lad asked.

"You must be Bakura Green," Yami said. Behind Bakura, the dogs started barking loudly and wildly, and Yami shouted, "Sit!" the dogs quieted and shrank away. Bakura also sat down quickly, looking like he was about to pass out. "Oh, not you, sir, please come in." Yami said, helping Bakura up and into the house, where he introduced him to the other guests.

Not a moment later, the doorbell rang again. Outside, Miroku and Mai were looking around, the thunder storm worsening.

"What a creepy place," Mai said.

"Indeed," Miroku agreed. Mai's eyes widened as she registered that Miroku now had his right hand all over her butt. She turned around and slapped him just as Yami opened the door.

"Miss Scarlet, Professor Plumb," Yami said, astonished, 'I didn't know you were acquainted."

"We weren't," Mai said angrily, trotting inside in a huff. Miroku, a large red handprint on his cheek, soon followed. He did not look pleased.

Yami introduced them, and announced that all but one guest had arrived. Suddenly, the cook loudly struck the gong, making everyone jump, and poor Bakura spilled his brandy over Kagome.

"I'm so sorry," Bakura said, embarrassed and distressed as he handed Kagome his handkerchief, "I am a bit accident prone."

"Oh really?" Kagome asked, "I hadn't noticed."

"Dinner is ready," Yami announced, "Please, follow me into the dinning room." The warily walked down the hall, into the large room, where a table in the middle of the room was set for seven.

"Is this your seat, Yami?" Miroku asked the him as he passed by to get to his seat between Kagome and Sango.

"No, this is for our seventh guest, Mr. Body." Yami answered.

"Guest?" Sango said. "I thought Mr. Body was our host?"

"Yes, well…" Yami said, skirting the issue.

"Then would you tellin us who IS our host?" Joey asked.

"I'm afraid I can divulge nothing until all our guests have arrived," Yami said. Just then, Tea came in, pushing a cart laden with bowls of shark-fin soup. She placed the bowls in front of them.

"Shouldn't we wait for Mr. Body?" Sango asked.

"I'll keep something warm for him," Tea replied.

"I bet you will," Mai muttered.

Joey looked at Yami, and asked, "So, Yami, what is it you do, exactly?"

"I'm the butler," Yami explained, "I 'butle'."

"And that is-?" Joey asked.

"I oversee the kitchen and the cleaning and the other household staff."

"Hmmm," Joey mused. Then, when the soup was placed in front of him, he said, "Man, I'm starvin!" and downed the whole thing… without the spoon. Everyone else ate their first helping of soup slowly, as Joey was given seconds. The whole room was eerily quiet. All that could be hear d was the slurping.

"Well," Kagome finally spoke up, "I guess if no one else is going to do it, I might as well break the ice. I have to be honest, I was really surprised when I got my invite in the mail. I mean, yeah, I have been to a lot of parties, but this is like, something totally different for me, being a…." Almost everyone leaned in and looked at her, eager to know the truth about ho she was. "Oops," she said, "I forgot… we're not supposed to say who we really are." The eager faces dropped in disappointment.

"Well, I know who you are," Bakura said. "I live in Washington, too."

"Oh… Really?" Kagome asked, "But, I've never you before."

"Well, you and your husband are in the papers all the time," Bakura said.

"So, you're a politician's wife," Mai said, "Lovely."

"Do you live in Washington?" Kagome asked Mai, hoping she didn't.

"Guilty," Mai said with gusto.

"So do I," Miroku said, "And I also work for the government"

"Well, lets remember not to get too personal," Kagome said, "I mean after all, we all only just met tonight…."

"You seem to like talking a lot, Kagome," Miroku said. "I find that interesting."

"Interesting?" Mai asked, "Interesting how? You're not a shrink, are you?"

"Well, yes, actually," Miroku said, "I am the personal therapist to the President."

"Do you two also live or work in Washington?" Bakura asked Joey and Sango.

"Yes," Sango said.

"None of your beeswax," Joey said. Then, of course, Tea walked out with the main dinner course. A very strange looking meal.

When the plate was given to Kagome, she perked up, and dove right in. "MMMMM! This is one of my favorites!" she said in ecstasy.

"I know," Yami said over her shoulder.

"So… what do you do in Washington, Bakura?" Kagome asked him nervously.

"I uh.."

"Why do want to know so much?" Mai demanded.

"Well, I'm just trying to be nice."

"You're a little to nice." Mai said.

"Well, you're too mean!" Kagome shouted.

"Will you two cut it out," Joey shouted at them. Suddenly, Joey threw down his napkin, and walked over to Yami, and demanded, "And you! Listen, man, just why are we here?!"

"Yeah!" everyone shouted. Just then, the doorbell rang. They all stopped in their tracks. Yami straightened his tie, and walked out of the room. Joey sat down again and started eating the dinner. Five minutes later, Yami returned, and announced, "Our Seventh Guest… Mr. Seto K. Body." Behind him strode a tall, menacing looking young man, with dark brown hair that cast shadows over his icy blue eyes. He carried a suitcase in one hand.

Outside, the rain fell harder, thunder clapped loudly and lightning flashed! 


	3. Blackmail!

Part Three: Blackmail!

"What are all these people doing here?" Mr. Body said, looking at the other guests with contempt.

"They are here on business," Yami replied, "Please, sir, let me take your bag. Have a seat," he said, taking the suitcase from Mr. Body and gesturing to the dinner table. He sat down, and glared at everyone. When Tea came in with his dinner, he waved it away.

"No thanks, Tea," Seto Body said, "I just ate."

"You know her?" Kagome asked.

"Yes," Mr. Body said, lifting a hand up to ruffle the maid's skirts a bit, "Very well." Tea started, and moved a few steps from Mr. Body, then she stomped back into the kitchen.

"Well," Yami said, 'Can I interest anyone in fruit, or dessert?" No one answered. "Then let's retire to the study for coffee and brandy. There, all shall be revealed."

"You'd better be talkin' about why we're here, pal," Mai said. "Otherwise, you have grounds for a lawsuit."

"I assure you madam," Yami replied, "This is of the utmost importance." Everyone got up, and followed the short butler to the hallway.

Except Seto. He got his suitcase, went to the door, and said, "I'm leaving now. This is all nothing but nonsense." "I'm sorry, Mr. Body but no one can leave," Yami informed him. "All the windows have bars, all the doors are locked."

"WHAT?!?" Everyone exclaimed.

"What gives?" Joey demanded, "You can't keep prisoners! Do you think this is Alcatraze or something'?"

"Everyone, calm down!" Yami tried to settle them.

"I want out of here, Yami, this instant. Give me that key," Seto ordered.

"Over my dead body," Yami replied. "If you will all please go to the study, and let tonight's business be conducted in peace, I will let you go very shortly." Everyone grumbled, but they went the study, where everyone sat either on couches, or in chairs. Yami stood in front of them, waved Tea out of the room, cleared his throat, and declared, "Everyone. You're all being blackmailed!"

"What? That's outrageous!"

"Well, I never!"

"That's dirty lie!"

"What're you sellin'?"

"It's true." Bakura admitted. Everyone gasped, even though they were being blackmailed as well.

"As I said, you are being blackmailed, and by the same man, who threatens to expose your secrets unless you pay all you can afford, or more than you can afford."

"Sir, I must say that I am deeply offended that you would make such accusations," Prf. Miroku said.

"You know better than I do, Professor. But didn't you once work in a private practice, providing help for homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur?"

"Yes, but now I work for the government."

"SO then your work is not changed; but your license was revoked."

"How'd that happen?" Mai asked, sitting cross-legged on a table.

"You know what doctors aren't supposed to do with their lady patients?"

"Yeah?"

"He did."

"That's gross!" Kagome exclaimed.

"Are you one to make moral judgments, Mrs. Peacock?" Yami asked. "When you're husband, Senator Sesshomaru, accepts bribes to gain the favor of certain lobbyists?"

"My husband is a paid consultant," Kagome said defensively, "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Not when the income is declared, or when your husband is paid in used greenbacks slipped under the door of public restrooms."

"Now that's dirty work," Mai muttered.

"How would you know?" Kagome snapped, "Were you in that men's room?"

"Probably," Mai said, "I've been everywhere."

"But is any of it true?" Bakura asked.

"Of course not!" Kagome cried. "It's a vicious lie!"

"Yet you've been paying the blackmailer for over a year to keep that story out of the papers," Yami said.

"Well, I believe you," Sango said, "I'm also being blackmailed for something I didn't do."

"Me too," Joey said.

"And I," Miroku said.

"Not me," Mai spoke up.

"You're not being blackmailed?" Yami asked her.

"Oh, I'm being blackmailed, honey," she said, "And I can tell you exactly what for."

"I'd rather not hear it," Sango said.

"I provide gentlemen with the company of a young lady, either at a hotel- which I operate- or over the phone, for a short while."

"Really?" Miroku asked, getting out a pen and paper, "What's the number?"

"555-2795 hun," she answered.

"Well," Bakura said, "I'm not going to wait for Yami to unmask me. "I work for the state department, and I'm a homosexual." Everyone went for that. "I'm not ashamed of my choices in life, however if anyone knew about it, I would lose my job on security grounds." He sat back down next to Joey and Miroku, who both got up and decided to stand.

"Well, I'm being blackmailed for no reason at all," Sango said.

"Your husband died under somewhat mysterious circumstances." Yami objected.

"So? I didn't kill him." Sango said. "I came home one day and found him dead, with his head cut off, and his… manhood… tucked under his armpit." All the guys crossed their legs. "I'll be honest, we never really loved each other. I mean he once threatened to kill me in public!"

"Why would he kill you in public?" Mai asked.

"I believe she means he threatened, in public, to kill her," Yami said, "But that was only your second husband. Your first husband disappeared."

"That was his job," Sango pointed out, "He was an Illusionist."

"But he never reappeared."

"He wasn't a very good Illusionist."

"Well, That just leaves Mr. Golden Silence, over there," Joey said, pointing over to Mr. Body.

"Yeah, what are you being blackmailed for, doll?" Mai asked.

"Him?" Yami said, "Haven't you guessed? He's the one who's been blackmailing you." The room erupted with shouts, threats, and insults. Seto stood up, and Joey came forward, ready to punch his lights out, but Seto gave him a quick jab, and moved back against the wall. Then, Sango sauntered up to him, put her hands on his shoulders and kneed him in the groin. As Seto doubled over in pain, everyone else cheered and clapped, except Bakura, who asked, "Was that really necessary, Sango?"

"Wait!" Yami cried over the dull roar, "The police are coming!"

"WHAT?!?" the other guests exclaimed.

"Yes," Yami explained, "I called the police, and they'll be here in 2 hours. I have evidence against Mr. Body, and this conversation is being tape recorded."

"Tape aren't admissible evidence," Bakura noted.

"People, please, listen to me. Blackmail depends on secrecy. You've all admitted how he's been able to blackmail you, now all you have to do is tell the police everything, and Seto K. Body will be put behind bars for life."

"It's not that easy," Seto said, getting up from the floor. "They'll never tell the police. Excuse me," he said, "I'd like to retrieve my suitcase from the hall." He went out into the hallway, and came back with the black suitcase under his arm. He laid it on the coffee table, and popped it open. Inside were six gift boxes. He handed one to each of the other guests. "Perhaps these will help you all make up your minds," Seto said. Each person took their box to their seat, and examined it.

"Why not," Mai said, "I like getting presents from strangers." SHe untied the ribbon, oopene the lid of the box, and pulled out a candle stick. "What the heck's this for?" she asked.

Sango open her box, and saw a hangman's noose. Bakura's contained a lead pipe, Joey's a wrench, Miroku's a revolver, and Kagome's a knife.

"Each of you holds a deadly weapon in your hand," Seto Body said, "If you tell the police about what I've been up to, you'll all be exposed. I'll see to that in court. But if one of you kills Yami now, no one but the seven of us will ever know." Seto walked passed Yami as he said, "He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body." He went to the light switch, and said, "Unless you all want to see your faces in the papers, you will kill Yami… Now!" he said, switching off the lights. There were sounds of a scuffle, a gunshot in the dark, a scream, a gasp, and a sickening thud. 

As the lights came back on, Kagome- who'd flipped the switch back on- dropped her knife, and screamed. "Mr. Body's DEAD!!!!" 


	4. Murder!

Part Four: Murder!

Everyone gasped. "It's not Yami!" someone whispered. They al started to crowd, but Prof. Kiroku pushed them back.

"Give him air!" KMiroku cried. He reached down and checked his pulse. "He's dead!" Miroku declared.

"Alright, which one of you did?" Bakura asked.

"Us?" Mai exclaimed, "What about you?"

"I didn't do it! Miroku had the gun,"

"But I didn't do it either," Miroku said, "Someone grabbed the gun from me in the dark and it went off. See, there's no bullet wound on the body," he said, turning Seto over.

"The bullet broke the vase on the mantle," Joey said, pointing he and Miroku rushed over to it, "See, there's the bullet hole in the wall."

"Well somebody musty have killed him!" Sango cried.

"I need a drink!" Kagome yelled She poured a glass of brandy, and statred to gulp it.

"Maybe he was poisoned!" Miroku cried. Kagome's face went white, and she started screaming hysterically. Bakura grabbed her arm and dragged her over to the couch.

"Kagome, please stop screaming," he yelled at her. Failing to reach her, he suddenly began slapping her violently. Everyone looked at him in surprise. He stopped when Kagome, her face red with handprints, glared at him coldly.

"I… I had to stop her from screaming. I can't stand nervous people. It makes me nervous." Bakura said, wringing his handkerchief.

"Was the brandy poisoned?" Mai asked. They rushed to the dropped glass. It was empty.

"I guess we'll never know," Sango said.

"Unless she dies too," Bakura said. The other five guests crowded around Kagome. Watching, waiting to see if she'd drop dead. She looked at them all nervously. Suddenly, a aloud shriek came from nowhere.

"The billiard room!" Yami shouted. They jumped over Seto's body and rushed to the billiard room, The door closed and locked.

"It must be the murderer," Yami said, jiggling the handle.

"Why would he scream?" Joey asked.

"He must have a victim in there," Sango gasped, "Oh my God, Tea!"

"Oh my God!" Bakura cried. All of a sudden, the door dgave way. Tea stood in there gasping for air.

"Are you alright?" Yami asked her.

"No thanks to you!" Tea shouted,. "You locked in here with the murderer you freaky-haired idiot!"

"The murderer's here?" Miroku asked.

"Where?" Balura asked.

"Where?" Tea repeated. "Here." Bakura looked behind the door, " We're all looking at him- or her-! It's like Sango said in the study: one of you is the killer."

"How do you know I said that?" Sango asked.

"I was listening." Tea replied.

"Why were you screaming?" Bakura asked her.

"I was scared," Tea said, starting to cry, "I drank the brandy too. I can't stay in here alone."

"Come back to the study with us, sweetheart," Mai said, taking Tea's hand.

"With the murderer?" Tea asked, still crying.

"There's safety in numbers, doll face," Joey said, shaking the wrench in his palm. The walked back to the study, where Kagome sat wringing her hands on the couch. They all sat down, but Yami paced.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." Yami said. "I had no intentions of anyone being killed."

"You?" Joey said. "So this is all your doin'?!"

"Please, everyone, let me explain," Yami said, "I have indeed deceived you. I was once Seto's butler, but it was not his death tonight that brought my employment with him to an end. Like you, I was a victim. Or… At least my wife, Ishsizu was. When my wife was young, she gained many friends who… who were socialists," Yami began to cry. Mai went over to him, and gave him her handkerchief. He dried his eyes, and continued, "Seto Body found out about her friends, and threatened that unless she gave him the names, he would have her arrested in their stead. She refused, but in exchange for her life, I offered that we work for Seto for no pay. We became slaves! Then… sadly… my wife… she…" he wiped at his eyes, and blew his nose with a loud honk. "Well… to make a long story short-"

"Too late," Joeys said.

"The suicide of my wife. It plagued on my mind, until I devised a plan to bring all of Seto's victims here, confront him, and make him confess to the police. But, as you see, it's all backfired."

"So, what do we do now?" Sango asked.

"We only have one choice," Yami said, "Wait for the police to arrive."

"Wonderful," Mai said, "we'll all go to the chair."

"Is there anyone else in the house?" Miroku asked.

"Only the cook," Yami and Tea said. Everyone jumped up and exclaimed , "The cook!" They took off running down the hall into the kitchen. Bakura was the first to arrive in the room. He stopped by the large freezer, and he and everyone else looked around the room.

"Well… where is she?" Bakura asked. Then, the freezer door opened, and Keade the Cook's lifeless body toppled out! Mai screamed, and Bakura caught the cook's lifless shell in his arms, exclaiming, "I didn't do it!! Could someone help me?" he asked as the weight if the body dragged him down to the floor.

After Kaede's body was on the floor, Joey turned, and asked, "Alright, which one of ya's did it?"

"What do you mean 'which one of us did it?!" Sango yelled. "You could have done it!"

"I was with the rest of you guys!" Joeyt yelled back, "How could I have done it? Who had the knife? Wasn't it Kagome?"

"But I dropped it after Brandy incident," Kagome said, getting weepy again, "Anyone of you could have picked it up."

"That's right," Miroku said, "Any of us could be the killer."

"Hey, there's only one admitted killer, and it's ain't me," Joey said defensively. "Right, Sango?"

"Me?!" Sango demanded. "I've admitted nothing!"

"Come on, we all know you bumped off your husbands," Joey said, backing her into a corner, "Just how many have you had anyway?"

"Mine or other women's?" she asked nervously.

"Just yours, doll," he said.

"Five," she answered.

"Five?" Joey asked, confused.

"Five!?" everyone exclaimed in disbelief.

"Just five," Sango said, crossing her arms.

"You're a black widow!" Joey yelled, pointing his finger at her, 'You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies!"

"I belief men should be like Kleenex's. Soft, strong, and disposable." Sango said defiantly.

"Who cares!" Mai yelled, "Doesn't anybody care that someone else is dead?!"

"Let's get her to study," Yami said calmly.

"Why should we take her to the study? Why can't we leave her here on the kitchen?" Bakura asked.

"Because I'm the butler," Yami said.

"What's that got to do with it?" Miroku asked.

"I like to keep the kitchen tidy, that's what," Yami said, glaring. The men sighed and lugged the heavy carcass off with them.

As they approached the study, Yami exclaimed, "He's gone!"

"What?" Joey asked, dropping Kaede.

"Who?" Kagome asked.

"What is it?" Bakrua asked.

"The body!" Yami cried again.

"What body?" Mai insisted.

"No body!" Joey cried, looking in.

"Huh?" everyone puzzled.

"Mr. Body's body is gone!" Yami clarified.

"Maybe he wasn't dead," Sango said.

"He was," Miroku insisted.

"Where is he?!" Mai cried pushing her way forward.

"Well, if he's gone, he wasn't dead," Tea suggested.

"But he was!" Miroku yelled, "I'm a doctor! I now these things, and that man was dead!"

"Well you're obviously not a good doctor, because he was obviously NOT DEAD!" Bakura yelled at Miroku, "And now we'll never know which one of you did it."

"What do you mean, "Which one of 'you'?" Mai asked.

"Well I didn't do it" Bakura said. Then, he had a brainstorm, "Maybe Mr. Body killed the cook!"

"YES!" everyone cried.

"How?" Yami asked composing himself. Everyone's faces fell in dismay.

"I need to use the powder room," Kagome sighed, wiping her face with a handkerchief. As she was gone, everyone was puzzling over this disturbing turn of events, when they suddenly heard Kagome screaming for help.

"HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!!!" she shrieked.

"Let's go everybody," Joey said, "she might have fallen in," The whole lot of them ran into the hall where they beheld a ghastly sight: Kagome as struggling with Seto Body!

"Seto's attacking her!" Tea cried, clinging to Miroku's arm.

"I'll stop him," Bakura yelled, running forward and pulling the fiend off of the frightened young woman.

"Wait a sec," Mai said, as Seto's body tumbled to the floor from Bakura's hands, "He's dead!"

"Again,.' Yami said. "He has new injuries," yami remarked as he lifted Seto's arm and let drop with a thud.

"You have blood on your hands…" Sango said in alarm at Bakura.

"I didn't do it!" Bakura cried, whipping out a handkerchief.

"I'm gonna faint," Kagome gasped as she fanned herself.

"Here, fall into my arms," Yami said, getting up and running up behind her. She let her legs give out, and slid right through his arms to the floor. 


	5. The Evidence

Part Five: The Evidence

They dragged Seto's body back to the Study, Joey saying, "Alright, corpses on the sofa." Then, when they had both bodies on the couch, Joey turned to them all and said, "Okay, so what do we do now?"

"We still have all these weapons laying around," Yami said, gathering the deadly implements up, "I say we take them all and put them in this cupboard, and lock it up." Everyone agreed. Yami shoved the objects into the cabinet, locked it, and started to put the key in his jacket pocket.

"Hold it, sweet cheeks," Mai said, "What are you doing with that key?"

"I'm putting it in my pocket," Yami said matter-of-factly.

"Why?" Demanded Miroku.

"Because if I've got it, I'm safe," Yami said.

"But we won't know if WE are!" Kagome cried.

"What do you mean?" Yami asked, backing into the cabinet.

"What if you're the murderer!" Kagome started crying again.

"But I'm not!" Yami insisted.

"What if you are, man?" Joey asked, grabbing him by the collar.

"Wait, I know!" Yami said, getting out of Joey's grasp, and holding the key aloft. "We'll throw it away!"

"Good idea!" the rest of them yelled as they made a be-line for the front door. And just as Yami yanked it back, his arm raised to throw the key into the night - !

"Uh, excuse me?" said the anonymous motorist at the door. "What they heck is going on here?"

Everyone froze, and Yami slowly lowered his arm, and put the key back in his pocket. He coughed, and said, "Sorry, how may we help you?"

"My car broke down out on the road," the motorist, with black hair and a blue headband said, "And I was wondering if I could use the phone.

"Certainly," Yami said, as he and the others backed up, their faces all smiling a little too much. "Jut step into the lounge," he said, pointing to the room just off the side of the front door.

"So… where is it?" the motorist asked as he stepped into the lounge.

"What, the body?" Yami asked nervously.

"Body? What body?" the motorist asked.

"Oh, there's no body… No body on the line right now," Yami said, recovering, "So, stay on it as long as you like!" Yami backed out of the room, and slowly shut the doors, leaving the motorist looking at the closed doors, leaving him with the nagging theory of overwhelming fear.

Outside, Yami was the locking the door, and slipped the key in his pocket.

"Well?" Joey said, sneaking up behind him.

"Well what?" Yami replied, recovering from fright Joey had given him.

"Where's the Key?" Joey demanded.

"In my pocket," Yami said.

"Not that Key!" Miroku said, "the key to the cupboard."

"You still wish me to throw it away?" Yami asked them all.

"YES!!!" They all shouted in unison. Yami took one of the keys in his pocket, opened the front door, and threw it into the dark night.

Later, they all went into the Library for a drink. And Joey, sipping some Scotch, asked Yami, "Alright, bud, give it to me straight: Do you know if there's anyone else in this house?"

"No," Yami said.

"So might be someone else here," Joey said.

"Oh, sorry, I meant no meaning yes." Yami said.

"No meaning yes?" Joey asked, getting steamed, "What kind of answer's that? I just wanna know you know if there's anyone else here?"

"No."

"No there is, or no thee isn't?" Joey asked, his face going red.

"What was the question?" Yami asked, getting flustered.

"Is there anyone in the house?!?!" Joey screamed.

"NO!!!" everyone yelled at him.

"That's what he says, but does he know for sure? I say we solve this in military fashion: We split up and search the house from top to bottom!"

"Split up!?!" Kagome cried.

"That's right, we'll draw straws and get in pairs."

"But supposing one of us is the murderer," Miroku said, "Whoever gets paired with the killer might get killed!"

"The we'll have discovered who the murderer is," Joey replied.

"But the other half of the pair'll be dead!" Kagome said, getting hysterical.

"Allow me," Bakura said, drawing his hand to slap her. Kagome grabbed his hand and said, "Watch it, fruitcake!"

"This is war, Kagome!" Joey told her, "Casualties are inevitable. You can't make an omelet without cracking some eggs… And some hot fudge and ham, and mushrooms and jalapenjo peppers and marshmallows and walnuts and some pistachios-"

"Is this a war breifing of a cook book?" Mai asked.

"Any good cook'll tell ya that," Jey finished.

"But look what happened to the Cook!" Kagome yelled. "And besides, why should we risk our necks?! The police will be here in half an hour, and there are two dead bodies in the study!!!!!!" she screamed, her feathery outfit flouncing and bobbing around.

"Oh my God, there are!?!!" Bakura exclaimed in the ehat of the moment. Mai turned around and slapped him. "OW!" Bakura cried.

"Now you know the feelin', doll face," Mai said. "You know it's a shame a cutie like you swings for the other team."

"I never cared for baseball," Bakura said, "My father always wanted me to play, but it always felt a little odd to me."

"Oh my, look at these," Sango said, grabbing some negatives that were hanging out of Yami's pocket.

"What?" Mai asked, "What are they? Ooo La la!" she said, taking a look at them under the light.

"Hey, give me those!" Joey said, trying to grab the negatives from the ladies.

"Why should we give them to you?" Mai asked, flirtatiously.

"Becuaes they're his," Yami said reaching for them, "I had planned to return them to the Col. But.. It slipped my mind."

"I know what was going on in your mind, and it certainly wasn't slipping," Mai said. "Oh Tea, would you like a peek, they might shock you."

"No thanks," Tea said, "I'm a lady."

"How do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a lady?" Mai asked.

Miroku came up behind Sango and Mai to take a look, and his face went red as Sango said, "There's no natural way he could've gotten her in THAT position."

"Sure he can," Miroku said, taking Sango aside to a couch very passionately, "Allow me to demonstrate!" He lifted one of his legs over his shoulder and was about to position himself strategically when Sango cried, "Get off me, you lecheror!!"

"This gonna be good," Mai said watching.

"Oh dear God," Kagome cried, covering her eyes.

"Well look at that," Bakura said, gaining interest. "Something like that's enough to make me switch teams."

"I said OFF!" Sango screamed, then with a loud THUD, she kicked Miroku to the floor, and straightened her dress as she sat up.

Miroku also sat up, and said, "Feisty! I like that! Tell me, Ms. Sango White, have you considered marriage again, anytime soon?"

"Touch me like that again, and you'll find out where my first husband went." she replied.

"What else you got tucked away, there, Yami," Mai asked.

"Just the various evidence against you all." Yami replied.

"Oh, were you planning to blackmail us?" Mai asked. This got Everyone standing at attention.

"Of course not!" Yami said, shocked. "I was going to give each of you back the parts of your lives that were stolen form you… As noone else can give me back what was stolen form me… Come with me to the study and you can see for yourselves."

"That's… Quite alright, Yami," Bakura said walking over and patting his shoulder, "I think we can trust him. Now, about this… splitting up idea?"

"Yes," Yami said, sniffling, 'this way to the kitchen."

"Great, I'm starved," Joey said, following eagerly. They followed Yami to the kitchen, and he took eight long matchsticks and cut them into varying lengths.

"Now, the rules are, you must draw one match, and find the person with the matching length of matchstick. The two smallest go to the basement, and so on so forth to the attic." 


	6. Splitting Up is Hard to Do

Part Six: Splitting Up is Hard To Do 

"Now, the rules are, you must draw one match, and find the person with the matching length of matchstick. The two smallest go to the basement, and so on so forth to the attic." Yami said. Slowly everyone paired up; Kagome was stuck with Miroku in the basement, Joey with Mia on the ground floor, Yami would go to the second floor with Sango, and Bakura was paired to go with Tea to the attic. All the while the cook and Seto Body's bodies were in the study and Duke- I mean the motorist- was locked in the lounge.

As the pairs split to go search, Mai said to Joey, "Well we know what's in the study and lounge, we just came from the kitchen…"

"Let's check the billiard room again," Joey said.

Up the stairs, Yami and Sango left Bakura an Tea at the door to the attic to explore the seven bedrooms. Bakura opened the door and turned on the lights. And they stood there.

"Well," Bakura asked, "Aren't you going up?"

"Are you nuts?" Tea asked.

"Well it is ladies first."

"What if the killer's up there?"

"What if the killer's down here?"

"I'll be right behind you."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Then we'll go up together." Tea said with a sigh.

"Alrighty," Bkaura answered, and step by akward step they went through the tiny space together.

Meanwhile, Kagome had opened the door to the basement. Miroku crossed his arms as she started into black depths.

"Aren't you going in?" Miroku asked.

"Why?" Kagome asked, suspiciously.

"Well I figured your gaudy outfit would be enough to scare the killer away," Miroku said. In an instant Kagome was smacking him over the head with her purse.

"I'll show you gaudy you pervert!" she cried.

"OW! OW! I'm sorry!" Miroku cried. Kagome stopped and fixed her glasses as Miroku extended his hand and said, "Here, let's shake on it and- OW! OW! OW! What are you hitting me for now!"

"That's not my hand!" she yelled, chasing him down the stairs.

Elsewhere, Mai and Joey were exiting the Billiard room as Mai looked across the hall into the ball room. "Hey ," she said, "The curtains moving." she whispered.

"So?" Joey asked, oblivious.

"So, he might be hiding behind them." Mai said.

"Oh," Joey said, catching on. "Well then- let's go this way," he said taking her arm and heading for the library.

"No," Mai said, wrenching her arm away, "This might be our chance to catch him."

"Okay. You catch em, I'll be in the kitchen, I'm starving." he said, shuffling off.

"Hey wait a minute!" she yelled. Then she covered her mouth, not wanting to possibly warn the killer, and tiptoed into the ballroom. When she reached the fluttering curtains, she yanked them open, and found only that a window had a small break in it. She dropped the curtains and vowed to kill Joey if they lived through the night.

**-Transition-**

Duke shuffled his feet as he stood alone in the ominous lounge. He spoke to his friend on the phone, "Listen, I don't I have a lot of time. I went that big ugly house on the hill, and I ended up in the middle of this weird party. Now I'm locked in the lounge." Behind him, unknown, the fireplace opened up into a secret corridor, and out of the darkness came a pair of black leather gloves, wielding a wrench which they earlier recovered from the locked cabinet before destroying Yami's evidence, leaving all the deadly weapons out for anyone to take.

"And the really weird part," Duke said as the hands raised high above his head, "is that one of them is my old boss from-" he never finished, for the wrench came down and split his skull, killing him and sending him to the floor with a sickening thud. Then the gloved hands finished their devious deed by hanging up the phone.

**-Transition-**

Yami stood straight as he inched into the master bedroom, sweating bullets, "If anyone's in here…just look out!" he threatened.

Meanwhile Sango was checking the closets. As she pulled down an expensive looking hat box, a huge weight fell on top of her, and she let an ear piercing scream. "Yami!" she screamed, "Help! Help me!"

Yami heard the Sango's scream and, and suddenly the storm made the lights go out, and Yami ran through a door, yelling, "Don't worry Sango, I'll save you!" as he entered another pitch black room, he felt a knob, "what's this? Another door?" he turned the knob and was squirted in the face with the shower.

As the lights went back on, in the basement, Kagome was hiding behind Miroku.

"Are you done?" he asked.

"Is anyone down there?' she asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Not that I can see. Why don't you look?"

"Nice try. You just wanna grab my butt." she replied.

"And were those squeezes made in fear of the dark, Mrs. Peacock?" he asked her, her face blushing red. Again she started smacking him with the purse.

Meanwhile…

Mai and Joey were checking out the conservatory, and as Joey was playing chicken with the Venus fly trap, Mai pressed an old piece of molding on a large set of shelves, and the huge case swung open. "OH!" Mai gasped. Joey turned and the fly trap snagged his finger.

"OW!" he cried, wrenching out and sucking his finger, "What is it?"

"It's a secret passage," Mai said. "I wonder where it goes?"

Joey sighed, grabbed a flashlight form the shelves and said, "Why not? I'll go first. I lived a good life. It was short, but it was good."

"Just go," Mai said, pushing him in. They followed the darkened corridor. Until… They suddenly came out into the bright lights of the lounge, and they looked in horror as they beheld the motorist dead on the floor.

"Oh my God!" Mai muttered.

"Crap," Joey said. Suddenly, the fireplace snapped shut, and they both started screaming.

With their shrieks echoing through the house, everyone can rushing back to the ground floor where Yami, Bakura, and Miroku collided in a huge heap of humanity. From the stairs Sango asked, "Where's that coming from?"

"Where are they?" Kagome asked.

"The lounge!" Yami cried.

"They must be in there with the killer," Miroku observed. They ran to the door.

"Quick, unlock the door!" Bakura urged them.

Yami checked his pockets and said in shock, "The key is gone!"

"What key?" Miroku asked.

"The key to the lounge," Yami answered.

"Never mind the key, unlock the door!" Miroku yelled.

Bakura grabbed Miroku by the collar and shook him, yelling, "He can't unlock the door without the key!" He turned back to the door and shook it yelling, "Let us in! Let us in!"

Behind the door, in the lounge, Mai and Joey yelled back, "Let us out! Let us out!"

"It's no use," Yami said, backing up, "I'm going to have to break it down!" he went at ramming speed, and threw himself at the door, to no avail. The door held and sent staggering back. All the while Joey and Mai were screaming their heads off.

"We're doing our best!" Kagome screamed at the door.

Then, Tea got an idea, "Wait!" she ran to the study, and discovered the cupboard opened, and all it's deadly implements scattered on the counter. She grabbed the gun. And ran out. She aimed at the door knob, but was bumped by the panicking Kagome, and shot the chandelier instead.

"They're shootin at us!" Joey screamed, and leaped into Mai's arms. Outside, Tea shot twice more at the door knob. The door swung open on a troubling scene. The motorist was dead, and Joey was clamped on to Mai.

"What happened in here?" Bakura asked.

"Why were you shootin at us?" Joey demanded, climbing down.

"To get you out," Tea answered.

"You coulda killed us!" Joey yelled. He took a few steps in contemplation, and said, "I can't take anymore of these scares." Suddenly, the cord on the chandelier broke, and the crystal fixture fell and crashed to the floor, making Joey go pale white, and feint dead away. Meanwhile everyone was looking at the gruesome scene in the lounge.

"Which one you did it?" Sango demanded from Mai.

"We found him this way- together!" Mais aid defensivly.

"How did you get in here?" Kagome asked.

"There's a secret passage form the Conservatory," Mai answered.

"Is that what I think it is?" Miroku asked Tea, looking at the gun in her hand.

"Yes," Tea answered.

"How did you get to it? The cupboard was locked." he said.

"No it wasn't, it was unlocked." Tea said.

"Unlocked!" everyone exclaimed.

"See for yourselves," she said, as Joey came too and started following them, Tea throwing the gun aside into the pieces of the chandelier. Indeed, the cupboard was open, as Tea said.

"How did you know it was open? How did you know you could get the gun?" Kagome demanded.

"I didn't" Tea said, nervously, "I figured I could break it open, but it was open already."

"Who had the?" Mai asked.

"Yami had it," Joey said pointing.

"Yes, but I thought I had thrown it away. It's entirely possible one of us took the key from my pocket and substituted it with another."

"That would explain why you didn't have the key to the lounge," Bakura said.

"But now we have another dead person," Kagome said, getting ready to cry again.

"And no closer to finding the killer," Yami said.

Suddenly… the doorbell rang.


End file.
